Parenting to Create Love, Trust, And Amazing Children!

As parents, sometimes we have the feeling that to be a “good parent” we must control and even manipulate our children’s behavior. This can backfire, especially when you are dealing with very young children whose “job” it is to explore and investigate their surroundings. A two year old has no concept of making a mess, why what they are doing is making a mess or what is wrong with it. Their inherent drive to experiment, touch, and learn is strong, and when a parent punishes a child for this natural drive, confusion and anger is the result. You might be thinking “Well I can’t just allow my child to run amuck!” Of course not, but a little child needs to be re-directed not punished for their natural drive to explore. If a parent just reacts without evaluating the behavior, the first gut reaction may be to punish and thwart the undesired behavior because that is the programing from their childhood, but there are other alternatives.

1. Take a deep breath and try no to react too quickly to anything a child does. If you just react and don’t take a moment to evaluate the situation you may miss the underlying cause of the undesired behavior. Finding the underlying cause is very important because once you understand what is behind the behavior you may be able to stop it before it even starts.

2. Remember that your job as a parent is to provide your child with the information they need so they don’t make mistakes that are not socially acceptable, and learn through experience, not threats and punishments. Children are intelligent beings who shouldn’t be punished into compliance, but need to be taught the rules of family life and expected to comply.

3. An example of evaluating an upsetting incident with a little child would be a one year old who gleefully pours milk on the floor. If you punish a little baby for such an activity by shouting, slapping the baby’s hand or getting upset you will only end up upsetting and scaring your child. Punishments such as this are ineffectual because a one year old baby does not have the ability to understand gravity or why pouring milk on the floor is bad. Most of the time babies, toddlers and children are only responding to their natural human instinct to explore and define their world. They are not being “bad.”

So what happens when a young child, who is exploring the world, has their natural curiosity punished? They begin to feel that the world is unsafe and as a consequence become less confident and more fearful. When a child is punished but does not understand why, there is a loss of connection and trust with their parent. Fear and stress interferes with a child’s ability to think and learn in a healthy manner.

So what can you do?

Clearly understand that by stopping to evaluate a situation, you are not “spoiling” your child. You are teaching them that they are respected and you are solidifying the parent/child bond by giving them the gift of trying to understand what is driving the behavior.

A child’s desire to explore is not done with ill intent towards a parent, but when met with scolding, threats, yelling or even spankings, it tears away at a child’s feelings of safety and trust in the parent. Your child always wants your love and approval and the currency of love and approval is attention. This is why you sometimes see a child behave badly to get attention. Your negative attention is better than no attention at all. So give your children the attention they need and crave, and when teaching a child how we behave follow a few simple steps.

1. Step back and evaluate the misbehavior.

2. React appropriately for a child’s age.

3. Abandon the idea of punishments and instead teach, redirect, and praise. A child will always respond to your approval and love.

Happy parenting!

Click the link below for some alternatives to your situation:

Author Bio: Lavell Foster is a father,counselor,finance consultant and freelance writer. Reach Him at:lavellfoster4@gmail.com Visit:http://relationships-foslvl.blogspot.com for relationships,parenting ideas and opinions. http://relationships-foslvl.blogspot.com

Category: Parenting
Keywords: relationship problems and issues,parenting issues,dating issues ,developing relationships.