Contributing factors to a relationship breakdown are a lack of commitment and love. That being said, I’ve found these issues to be less important than most would believe them to be. They don’t represent the primary problems facing dating and marriage relationships. The vast majority of couples enter their marriages with positive aspirations for their life together. They expect it to be long and fruitful.

So, what causes a relationship breakdown?

Relationship breakdown occurs most often because one or both of the partners don’t have the skills to make the relationship work harmoniously.

It’s normal to get training for all kinds of things throughout our lives. Whether it’s riding a bike, learning how to swim or taking courses to earn a diploma or degree, we consider education in these areas of our lives to be normal and healthy.

Imagine for a moment that you are in need of a job and I have agreed to help you find one. I call you up one day to tell you I know of a place that is hiring in the accounting department and you should go apply. I will put a good word in for you. You proceed to tell me that you don’t know much about accounting and have no training for it. I tell you not to worry, just go and apply. Now, let’s assume that due to some miracle you got the job, what’s the likelihood of you succeeding at it? Is there much chance your new employer would be satisfied with your work?

Strangely enough though, when it comes to marriage, which is one of the most challenging and simultaneously rewarding of relationships, the majority of people have little or no training.

A sense of embarrassment and shame is commonly felt by people with prolonged relationship problems. This sense of embarrassment prevents countless numbers of people from getting the help they need, from learning new skills that could help them improve their situation dramatically. If people don’t feel embarrassed about asking for help with their car repairs, their taxes or the fixing of a leaky roof, why should they feel bad about seeking help for relationship problems?

What makes matters even worse, is that most people’s primary reference point for how marriage should be lived out comes from their parents, yet how many people really want a relationship like their parents? Do you want a relationship like your parent’s? If you do, consider yourself very lucky as you are one of only a handful.

The skills necessary to have a good relationship are learnable, just like other skills you’ve learned up to this point in your life. The biggest challenge people face is the desire for a quick fix. “I want it now!” It’s possible to enjoy a quality of relationship that far exceeds what you’ve experienced in the past, if you can be patient with yourself and stick with the learning process. The question then is…how badly do you want it?

Secondly, the breakdowns go from temporary to permanent when one or both of the partners are unwilling to learn new ways of relating, ways they aren’t currently aware of, that may seem very uncomfortable at first, but could help the relationship to grow and thrive.

There’s an old saying that “it takes two.” A relationship breakdown, I believe, only takes one. It takes two to make a relationship work and only one to kill it. One member of a dating or marriage relationship can end up holding the other hostage by refusing to learn new and more effective ways of relating.

The good news is these people are rarely acting this way in order to cause intentional harm to their partner. The primary reason for their stubborn refusal to learn is fear. They are fearful of looking weak or incompetent. They have bought into a lie. They feel that without training they should magically know how to make life with the opposite sex run smoothly.

As I mentioned earlier, it’s OK to ask for help with fixing a car, a roof or with one’s taxes, but many people see it as unacceptable to seek help with the most emotionally charged relationship they’ll ever have: marriage. If cars that are broken don’t magically fix themselves, why should marriages?

Author Bio: Lavell Foster is a Counselor,Finance Consultant and Freelance Writer. You can reach me at :lavellfoster4@gmail.com http://relationships-foslvl.blogspot.com

Category: Relationships
Keywords: relationships,family,dating,teenage help,marriage,kids,social life,family life.