Philosophers, clinicians, researchers, and theologians have all had their say about what love is and what love isn’t. People are quick to throw all sorts of terms and theories around when they are feeling “warm and fuzzy”, or when they need a rationale for why they do not do what they are supposed to do in their intimate relationships.

As a marriage, family, and sexuality therapist and educator, I have noticed that many of my clients either do not have a relationship/love checklist or, if they do have one, they allow their boundaries to become blurred when they begin to have amorous feelings.

So, what should be on your relationship (or love) checklist? Here are a few things you should consider before entering into your next romantic encounter or relationship:

Be Happy With Yourself and Be Ready to Be in a Relationship

There are three essential components to being happy with yourself and ready to be in a relationship:

A. Identify what you need to be happy with yourself.

B. Identify what you may need to do to enable your partner to be happy.

C. Identify what your expectations of being in a relationship actually are.

Being “ready” to be in a relationship means that you are physically, emotionally, and spiritually open to intimately sharing who you are with someone else. Likewise, you also need to be receptive to who your partner is and where he or she is at across all of those dimensions. Many people want to be in love or in a relationship but either aren’t ready themselves or don’t have a partner who is ready.

Never Forget How Special You Are

If your partner minimizes, negates, or judges you or your actions, you may want to proceed with extreme caution – or not at all. Sometimes when we fall in love with a person it is at the expense of neglecting or even forgetting who we are. Instead, it is important to be with someone who doesn’t prevent us from remembering and exhibiting those traits that allow us to be the special individuals that we were put on this Earth to be.

Take Your Time

Too often when couples begin relationships they don’t take enough time getting to know one another across different contexts. For example, most people behave differently in front of their peers, their families, and their co-workers and it is important for a couple to have an understanding of how they interact with the different people in their different circles. Moreover, people behave differently over time. The way that a person treats his or her parents today may be significantly different from the way that they may have interacted with their parents when they were growing up. One of your relationship tasks should be to allow the relationship to move slowly enough so that you are able to learn who you are really giving your heart to.

Seven Important Traits

Here are seven additional traits that you may want to add to your love/relationship checklist. Remember, it is important that you define what all of these mean to you personally.

1. Companionship: How much time do you want to spend with your love interest? What will you do when the two of you are together? What will you do when you are apart?

2. Honesty: Will honesty in the relationship be the result of open disclosure, or soliciting for responses?

3. Trust: How dependable or predictable are you? How predictable or dependable should your partner be?

4. Openness: How open and flexible are you? How open and flexible do you want your partner to be?

5. Reciprocity: Do you expect your partner to give to you in the same way as you give to him or her?

6. Good communication: Does your partner share what is really going on with them? Do you share? Do either of you listen?

7. Consideration: How considerate of and attentive to your partner’s feelings are you? Should he or she be as considerate of and attentive to your feelings?

Feel free to include some of your own relationship/love checklist items as well. Good Luck!

As a licensed therapist practicing in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, Dr. Wadley has quickly emerged as one of the nation’s best sexuality therapists. A clinical specialization in romantic and family relationship dynamics, healthy sexuality expression, and body image, Dr. Wadley is often a guest speaker on radio talk shows. Follow him on twitter@phdjamesw or facebook.

Dr. Wadley has written two books: “Would You Marry You?” and ” The Lost and Found Box.” Additionally, he is often a guest speaker on radio talk shows and relationship seminars across the nation. Further information is available at http://www.drjameswadley.com, or follow him on twitter@phdjamesw.

Author Bio: As a licensed therapist practicing in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, Dr. Wadley has quickly emerged as one of the nation’s best sexuality therapists. A clinical specialization in romantic and family relationship dynamics, healthy sexuality expression, and body image, Dr. Wadley is often a guest speaker on radio talk shows. Follow him on twitter@phdjamesw or facebook.

Category: Relationships
Keywords: